Dirty Potter and the Fabulous Farty Pee and Poo Party
Dirty Potter and the Fabulous Gay Farty Pee and Poo Party is the third audiobook made by Dirty Potter. Transcript Part 1 This is Jim Dale. We hope you enjoy this unabridged production of Dirty Potter and the Fabulous Gay Farty Pee and Poo Party, read for you by Jim Dale. Haha! (poik) Enjoy your fucking holidays, you enormous faggoty faggots (evil laugh). Hermione let her robes fall. "And what a jolly holiday it's going to be" said Ron, with his head in Hermione's bush. "Let's go!" said Hermione. Ron whipped out his big boner. "I suppose you just let it out for exercise" said Harry. "Oh no, no" said Ron, rubbing his privates. His large hands cock was stiff as a board. "Dick in the butt, please!" said Ron. "Oh, ah, ohh!" said Hermione, with Ron boning Hermione's arsehole deeper and deeper, so forcefully there was explosion of skeet and he pulled out of Hermione's tight arse. (schlupp) "Oh, Hermione!" Ron groaned, as he blew his load on Harry's face. "Oh yeah, oh yeah, ooohh, spurt spurt spurt, ahh, (cumming noises) fap fap fap, (more cumming noises)". There was a large amount of cum on her clothes, even for a wizard. "Oi, you, 'Arry Potter," said Hagrid, "one more handjob." Harry grabbed him and begun rubbing the end of his junk. It looked like hard work. "(wanking and grunting noises)" "He's cumming now, pee on it" said Ron, rubbing Hagrid's big enormous purple nipples. Hermione started pissing a large steaming mug of golden, golden, golden shower all over Hagrid's face. "Mmm, ahh," Hagrid groaned, "more!" He was going to explode. "(groaning and grunting noises) Yeah, 'ere we go! (grunting and cumming noises) Yeah, (more cumming noises) sperms, (even more cumming noises) oh yeah, (much more cumming noises) euphoria!!" grunted Hagrid, who was pulling on his huge dripping erection. "Wizards spank good!" said Hagrid, happily. "Have a sausage, boy" and Hagrid's big lumpy package swelled to the size of Hogwarts. "All yours" smiled Hagrid. Harry stared. The next thing he knew, he was lying on his back. Harry could feel Hagrid's enormous big beefy-man cock penetrating his tiny little young-man butt."(groaning noises)" Harry ejaculated. He was biting his lip, his forehead furrowed, spraying mouth-watering dollops of cum over the table. "(cumming noises)""Turn round and face me like a man, why don't you?" said Hagrid, jerking his big D on Harry's face. Harry felt heavy drops splattering onto his glasses. It was if Harry had been plunged into a fabulous sea of penis custard. "Hagrid'll fuck anything if it stands still long enough, eh?" said Ron. "That's what your lil' sister says" said Hagrid. "Can I lick your dick, please Potter?" said Malfoy, as Malfoy sank to his knees. "Oh yeah, I wanna cum" said Harry, hot all over at the thought of being given a very nasty wizard blowjob. Malfoy sucked him hard under the desk. "(sucking noises) Oh, (more sucking noises) blimey, (more sucking, gasping and cumming noises)!" Harry groaned, shooting dazzlingly white cum all over Britain, Ron and Hermione panting behind him, eating their way through all Harry's ass. It was certainly nothing like hamburger restaurants. "OOCH, what's that?" said Harry, who was feeling something very hard between the musty folds of his arsecheeks. "Butt plugs, you want to be careful with those" Ron warned Harry. "Wanted one ever since I was a kid" said Hagrid. Harry couldn't take any more. Harry's insides were aching. He did look a bit sick. Suddenly his buttcrack exploded, showering the class in poop with their mouths open. "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!" people shrieked as immensely heavy loads of manure hit them, finally killing one. Harry gave a gigantic fart. A second later, a masterpiece of a poo splattered the windows and walls. Harry spent ten whole minutes trying to squash a particularly fat one into Hagrid's mouth. "Err, I think I'm gonna be sick" said Hagrid, stuffing Dobby in his arsehole in his excitement. "Aren't you finished yet?" called Ron, incredulously. "Haven't even started!" said Harry. Ron dived out of sight again as the fresh wave of evil-smelling green arse-juice filled most of the corridor, spraying great chunks of shit over the table with the force of a small bomb. "You've blown up a toilet" said Hermione. Warm, sweeping, glorious relief swept over Harry. There were 142 gigantic sized feces piles that smelled of cabbage-smelling cabbage with the delicious smell of fucking farty old cabbage. Another large pile, the size of a small elephant, lay on his desk staining it a deep brown. The whole class was rolling in wizard shit. "Now what?" said Harry, blinking at the solid mass of poop pressing in on them from all sides. "Look, food" said Ron, his hands full of several fat brown shits, which Harry decided to soften by the fire before eating. "I'm starving" said Ron and Harry together. Harry and Ron began their third helpings of the sumptuous dinner that included all of Harry's favourite things: mountains of shit in every flavour you could think of, six or seven dark murky brown diarrhoea pies and cock, gays, farts and dong, poop sausages with a fat arsecheek, bacon and skeet and black pee-pee, dung potatoes, roasted balls, fart-filled pudding, penis gravy fresh from his privates, bulbous cocks, pink and porky, enormous chocolate shits of fury, very fishy monkey farts, two enormous arsehole tarts, giant blocks of fucking nuts, chocolate cocks and feces donuts, Voldemort's Jell-O CUMMM pudding and, for some strange reason, a small muddy and extremely faggotty haggis. Harry didn't feel hungry anymore. "Pee in your face, Harry Potter?" said Hermione. Suddenly, bright lemon-yellow pee shot from her snatch onto the hem of Snape's robes and spraying them all. Mouth hanging open, Harry braced himself for a tidal wave of pee, but he drank half of it in one gulp. It burnt Harry's mouth and throat as it went down, making him cough and splutter. "I can promise a wet night tonight" said Hermione. "No," said Harry, quickly, "I'll cum. It's magic!" But Hermione went on smoothly, ignoring Harry's and Ron's stupefied faces. She held up her PUSSYYY, this time aiming at his face and squirted boiling pee all over the place, and one man ended up in the hospital! Harry, who was feeling distinctly hot, could feel golden shower spray hitting his face. Harry's mouth fell open as the full impact hit him. Harry drank the pee down in two large gulps. It tasted like... (gasp) "dead flies and bits of fluff!" Then a burning sensation spread rapidly from his stomach to the very ends of his fingers and toes. Next, bringing him gasping to all fours, came a horrible melting feeling as the skin all over his body bubbled like hot wax, and before his eyes, his hands began to jack it, gripping rather harder than was necessary. Filthy and soaking wet, he'd never wanted to beat the bishop so badly into his mouth. "I hope it'll taste better than this stuff" he said. "Uh-oh!" said Ron, faintly. Professor Sprout took a large bag from under the table. "Who can tell me why there is a large supply of pot here?" said Professor Sprout, who was looking distinctly disgruntled. There was a long, shocked silence. "You have these" Harry mumbled to her, his hands full of several fat blunts. "Excellent, 10 points to Gryffindor!" said Professor Sprout. And Professor McGonagall rapped like Ludacris. "Yeah, nigga, yeah, yeah, (inaudible rapping) stupid black nigga, they're not to bright. Whoo! Ow, my fucking tortoise died". "Ooh yes!" The sight seemed to stiffen Ron's penis. "Ohhh!" Ron whipped out his cock, and it's very small huffelin, and stopped laughing and started rubbing his Johnson, "Oh yes, ohh, oohhh, oooooohh, (gasping) oh yes, (cumming noises) ohh, (more cumming noises)" and came so forcefully, thick streams of skeet shot out the Dirty Potter audiobook. It flew 20 feet into the air and landed right on target in narrator Jim Dale's ear (poikshplurt). "Touchdown!!" said Ron thickly, through a mouthful of Harry's sausage. "I really didn't like it," said Jim Dale, "fuck you so much, you stupid retards". "What's that?!?" said Ron and Harry together and, for some strange reason, J.K. Rowling came suddenly into the class. Part 2 Dirty Potter and the Fabulous Gay Farty Pee and Poo Party. Chapter Poo, (ahem) I mean Two, read for you by Jim Dale...(another Dirty Potter. God goodness knows why, because you only invented it the night before. Chuckles). "What's that?!?" said Ron and Harry together and, for some strange reason, J.K. Rowling came suddenly into the class. Harry stood stunned for a few seconds and then, "Harry, excellent!" she said and she pulled out an enormous cock. "Yes, nice, isn't it?" she said, misreading the revolted look on Ron's face, "I usually save it for book signings. Now, nice big smile, Harry!" She held up her fat bottom and scrawled and enormous poopy signature on Harry's face with a full blast of POO from her buttcrack that made his glasses slip to the end of his nose. "(grunting and pooping noises)" A great flood of fudge pounded in his face with a splattering thud. "(phloop)" Harry hated it and couldn't take any more. His penis hung limply in his hand. It was probably the worst day of Harry's entire life. "Gave you a taste, didn't I? He had no idea that he would shortly be getting much, much more than my butt" she said and started jerking off all six inches of her fucking cock. "Oh yes, ohh, ohh, ohh, I'm going to cum!" she said and, to his horror, J.K. Rowling burst all over the place."(cumming noises) That's the ticket! (more cumming noises) Ooh, (even more cumming noises) cumsplosion, (much more cumming noises, but becoming distorted)". 21 gallons of skeet cascaded down to her feet, her balls flapping everywhere. "Bl-bl-bl-blech! Dude," said Harry, "you're ugly, you're foul!" "Harry," said J.K. Rowling, "Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry...FUCK YOU!!" Then J.K. Rowling suddenly let loose a great echoing fart, sending him face first into the table and Ron was arse-blasted off his feet so forcefully he shot straight into another fucking dimension. “(rocketing fart) Nnnoooooooo!! (becomes distorted then whips off)”. “Yes,” she said, “most unfortunate. But, as to that, my books wouldn’t have sold half as well if Harry Potter was black (yeah)”. And, for some strange reason, Jim Dale came suddenly into the class. And, for some strange reason, Jim Dale came suddenly on his own face, “Ooh yes! (skeet noise)”, the tip of his long fucking penis oozing milky-white cum, fresh from his balls. Grinning stupidly, he took a firmer grip upon his dick and lay for a while, thinking about very pregnant Japanese girls’ tits and knickers. He grunted, brandishing his dick. Hermione was now damp. “Ooh, ooh Harry, let’s do it tonight” said Hermione. “No,” said Harry, “that’s Voldemort’s job”. And, for some strange reason, Voldemort came suddenly into the class, “I... smell... CUM! SOOOOOO HUNGRYYYYYY!!”. He was holding up Harry’s disgusting, slimy cock, sucking on it like an old vacuum cleaner. “I don’t think—I’m going to cum—after all!” said Hermione. Jim Dale suddenly grabbed Harry’s balls. It didn’t hurt, it felt wonderful! Harry’s fat sausage swelled like a bullfrog to twice its normal size and there was a sudden storm of fapping. It was pandemonium! Jim Dale was on all fours, banging J.K Rowling’s fantastic rear very hard, veins throbbing in his fucking huge, immensely long, hairy, wrinkled, old-man boner. Voldemort spent a lot of time masturbating, and a sumptuous bucket of dark wizard cum, cold and white, shot out of the wrong end of his sweaty cock, hitting him in the stomach and sending him reeling backward onto Harry’s growing erection. Harry groaned and scored five times without anyone noticing. Harry was smiling. J.K. Rowling and Jim Dale both groped his gigantic cock, at least twelve feet long and easily the largest for miles around. Both of them pummelled it, whacking his slowly lengthening penis vigorously as he beat the bishop furiously. “(cumming, groaning and grunting noises) Ohhhhhh! (poikoik)”. Through the confusion, the door behind Harry flew open, and out of it came someone that made Harry let out a long, piercing scream. “He’s dead! Snape killed him! I saw it happen! I saw it!” The man’s blue eyes were light, bright, and sparkling behind half-moon spectacles. This man’s name was… um… Dung… uh, no… Albus Dorebuldumbusaldore… Uh… no… Albus DumbleDINKEYDADDYDUMS! What the fuck. I can’t read. Uh… Dumblecunt. Fuckledore. No, uh, Walbus Umbledorf. Dumblefart. Uh, shit, dung! Um… DungManWHORE??? I mean… Mr. Albla Dumblelettuceawaggawaggawerewolf. Huh! Heeheehee! No, no, no, um, one more fucking time. This man’s name was, uh… dumble… dumble… no, I, um… Albus DumbleDICKBAGlemondropSomethingOfThingy! Uh… I… uh… I… uh… of the… uh… dumbledumbleniggerdumble… uhuh, well, that was funny. And, uh, I, uh… DumbleFuckingBugbear! No, I just… uh… Dumblefaggot. Um… given… about a foot, it was. Uh... hmmm... poop. C-C-CUMbledore! Hahahaha! And, uh, JiggeryPookerySquiggilyWiggilyDore! Bloody fucking cunt shit. Fuck Dirty Potter. Fuck it hundreds and hundreds of times. I really didn't like it. I had no idea how to record an audiobook! Nobody told me, I just... thought... better do something. Wow, um, in England, go back all those years, I used to be a pop singer. So, I don't know, perhaps... um... yes. Tonight will be an excellent time to do it! Mmm, mmm, mmm... Hogwarts, Hogwarts, strawgohhosiasgiag! Just do your severevusgealiac, PLEAAAAAAAASE! Our headwarts to do with hogwah feeling withsy knees! And learn and bare, and full of yaalf and bearbit, our heads of fluffschathingsworthtee! So, knowing, just got scabby knees! PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE! Our headsteresting stuff, knowing, bring back brains will rot! But! Do your best will kadooh with nemmus, oochur things worth knowing, nurrnurrah, nurrnurrah, what we forgot, what we just best will rest, do your do the till our goul brains rot! And learn, and learn, learn, and fart, and learn, and learn, and cum, and learn, and (poik!), and learn, and fap, and learn, and spurt, and learn, and skeet, and learn, and fuck underage wizards, and learn, and jack it, and learn, and lol, and learn, and POO and learn, and jerk, and poop, and jerk, and poop, and jerk, and poop, and jerk... *fades out* ...I, uh... had a wonderful time doing that. Category:Dirty Potter Category:Audiobooks